but yes no maybe or may be?

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *shrug+confused+deep sigh*

But Yes No Maybe or May Be? Holly shyte!!! WTF's wrong with me??? Somebody helppppppppppppp~~~ please slap me so hard 'til my brain scattered all over this universe - f**k inquietude!!! I'm in deep shyte..freaking hell!!!

Why or why did I never listen to me? damn it!!! Everything happen all at once. Why~~~??? Why is my life has to be so damn complicated..as much as I hate to admit it..but yeahhh it's gotta be true when they said that people who's filthy rich will never got hold of happiness..while the poor or the one in between gotta enjoy endless happiness and freedom at the end of the day regardless of their hardships..

But but but I still think that proverb is absofreakinlutely bullshyte.. Some of you might ask why aiiet? Well, I'm not poor nor am I filthy rich either just the mid category. And personally I just don't feel that happiness is endless but rather short lived in my life..So yeahhh, I guess a humongous belly full of shytey craps to the freaking duhhh for that kinda saying *sigh* jinx!

Yes, I comforted friends with my heartily words but in the end I'm the one who's been ignoring those comfy words of wisdom *sigh* but honestly to me that's just what a friend gotta do when another pal is in dismay but whether it really does able to comfort'em or help'em..it's really up to the individual's perception of what they need or want in life or outta those problems they're facing.

Years back I made a promise to myself that I'll never let my heart decide never will I let it bring me down. Every now and then I try to focus and being so careful in everything I do with my life so my heart won't interfere with my mind. But look where it got me now..in a mess..in a real deep shyte hole or better known as hell..arghhhhhhhhhh

For the past few years, I tried to occupy my time doing whatever that interest me with my family and friends and also by going back to the Uni pursuing my studies just to get myself up and about. Oh yeahhh!!! All those endless assignments projects and presentations never failed in helping me through passing my day so does all that endless functions I need to attend. But does it help? someone asked..No a big null, that much I can tell you..I guess now I realized what craps I've been telling myself!!! *shrug+sigh*

Well actually it does help a little, can't deny that but I can't help feeling somethings still missing from my neurotic down to earth partying hap-pinky so called eccentric life. It seems that few pieces of my life's puzzle are missing, adrift somewhere. Goshhh..don't you just wanna bashed up yourself trying to solve'em right away so all the headache heartache can be cure instantly *sigh* dream on girl!!! 'coz life's never gonna be that easy aiiet!

Maybe it's just how my life supposed to be..maybe its fated and I should've just sit back and accept what's install for me..maybe rant isn't necessary..maybe my expectation is way too high..maybe I was just being silly..maybe I follow my heart too much without even realizing it..maybe it's true when people say that I'm being too childish..maybe I should start taking things seriously..maybe I should stop having fun..maybe I should stop enjoying myself.. maybe it's true I'm hypocrite..maybe my minds been swindling my heart..maybe I'm just tense, tired of my hectic life..maybe my life isn't a pure bliss after all despite of what others think..maybe I should stop being nice and start being a nasty pest..maybe I didn't handle life astutely *sigh deeply* maybe.. Arghhhhh.. This maybe thingy is way too depressing..duhhh!!!

Or may be? I think too much these few weeks that made me such a babbling fool, a pain in the ass for everybody. Lately I'm in my indolence state most of the time, couldn't care less about what's happening around me. Maybe I take things too lightly..You pepz ought to know I don't like to venture into my brain that much, to me things ain't that complicated once you try to look at it in a different angle..but then again maybe just maybe I could be wrong aite..hurmmm

I even forgot one of my friends birthday, recently. Goshhh!!! can't believe myself! Well, lucky for me I had my besties backing me up. They had to run the chore of buying that birthday girl a present for me just so that friend of ours would think that I never forget a friend especially on her special day. A big fat duh to the freaking hypocrite for me! *shrug*

I guess I shouldn't complain for being left out when they're having fun celebrating her birthday bash across the globe the other day while I'm stuck here learning to be responsible with my life *sigh* serves me right for an absence mind aite! Yeahhh yeahhh I know.. I truly deserve it!

Oh! one more thing for this unexcuseably dumb behaviour.. Procrastinate..Yes it does get the best of me these days. In fact I think it's getting worst and I ask myself could I ever recover from the horrific procrastination? Arghhhhh.. Whatever!!! You don't wanna know anyway..I also noticed that I'm getting pettish more often this past weeks and been trying hard to find the reason for it *psyche*

Perhaps I just need to shut myself out from the world for a while . I'm not trying to run away from life problems or from facing my reality but but but I just need time on my own, need to meditate my heart soul and mind..awwwww *lol*

Time to think about what I want in life and its purposes. Besides I know this will make everybody happy and I trust that people would be so relief when I make my bitchy self invisible. Maybe I should discontinued blogging for good (or maybe just for few weeks or months or..let me decide when I got nothing better to do aiiet!) and delete all those crappy online accounts and change my contacts. Perhaps I should just do that! Turn my life around and change myself to a whole new me *lol* that's if I could figure-out what's been missing and what I want though.. Yeahhh.. Maybe its time for some necessary relinquishment!

Before I make myself disappear..just wanna say sorry if I ever hurt whosoever in anyway regardless of whether its done purposely or unintentionally..one thing I'm most certain though I dis-heart judgemental pepz & excuse me for saying this but its my life so please remember that the next time you talk about it aite!

So off I go then..Until we meet again.. Maybe by then I'll be a good lil girl otherwise you just need to live and keep up with my neurotic eccentric bitchy lil self again *lolz*

Take care pepz! Wishing y'all eternal hap-pink-ness.. big Luvvv xxxhugzxxx - Toodlesss >>> eWeY!!!